The "Negative" Side Of Life Has a Purpose.

                        

I was sitting around pondering how we talk about balance and harmony in our lives and that perfection is not what we should be seeking but yet (and I have been guilty of this myself) we tell ourselves and others to not have any negative thoughts or avoid negative people. While I will acknowledge that keeping these experiences down to a minimum is desirable, if we are truly living they cannot and should not be avoided.

I have come to realize that those things we call "negative" actually have a place and a purpose in our lives. We live in a world full of dichotomies: up/down; left/right; happy/sad, and positive/negative. And if we are truly living in harmony and balance, both the positive and negative are part of the whole. What I have come to learn is really important, and that is to embrace it all for it all is part of life. And of course this quote just happened to show up in my email today:

"Someone once asked Norman Vincent Peale, 'Don't you think life would be better if we had fewer problems?' Peale said, 'I'll be happy to take you to Woodlawn Cemetery, because the only people I know who don't have any problems are dead.' The point is we can't avoid problems, so we might as well expect them and embrace them as opportunities to learn and grow." ~ Mac Anderson, author, Charging the Human Battery http://www.macanderson.com/

So truly, we should not be seeking a life with no problems, challenges and/or negative experiences for they also help us on our path. We should not however dwell in that space but rather learn from all our experiences and move onward and upward.

In her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford makes the truly valid point for acknowledging and embracing the "dark" side of ourselves because we all have it. Some call it our shadow side and while we do not want that dark side to be at the forefront of who we are, it does in fact serve a purpose, if for no other reason than to remind us of who we truly are and what we want to show the world. http://www.debbieford.com/

Negative things happen to us all but if we look at them as another way to learn and grow as Mac Anderson suggested, then are they truly "negative"? I say no, for anything that helps us with our growth must be positive.

So, allow yourself to experience those so called "negative" events. Just recognize what they are and how they can help us. Do not dwell in that space but do not ignore it either for it is part and parcel of who we are as humans. And especially we need not feel guilty or ashamed if we have negative thoughts about anything. We do however, want to acknowledge those thoughts and discover why we are having them. What do we need to work on? How can we learn and grow from them?

I am blessed to have you read my blog and I truly hope I have provided you with some food for thought. Please share your comments, thoughts and suggestions.

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

Harry

 Author - Rare Sense, One Day It Will be Common: A Practical Guide to a Fulfilled and Balanced Life
harry@harryshade.com
http://www.harryshade.com/

I Choose To Be Positive

I often get asked, you are always so positive has anything really bad ever happened in your life?

My answer, of course it has; I have been divorced twice, I have been and currently am not financially sound , my father passed away suddenly several years ago, I have witnessed the worst that human beings can do to each other in my law enforcement career; I have had a baby die in my arms as the result of a drunk driver and if not for the kindness and compassion of friends, I could even have been homeless.

Now, I am not "always" positive but that is what I choose to put out in the world. I have my moments when I am angry, frustrated or sad. I do not ignore such feelings nor bury them, I feel them and allow them to come.

One difference between me and others who perhaps do not see the positivity in things is that I choose to be positive and see the positive. I also choose not to put judgement on things, like this was a "bad" and that was a "good". Or that was "right" and that was "wrong". Or that was a "mistake".

I do my best to be humble and grateful. I do my best to be kind, caring and compassionate. I do my best to use that which does not serve me to continue to discover what does.

I have grown and evolved to the point where those type of judgements simply do not serve me or allow me to live a life of joy. So, I see all things as blessings because they all have both laid the foundation for my life and continue to allow me to grow and evolve.

Do I consider myself better than anyone else? No!

I do however strive to be a better version of myself than I was the day before. I continue to do my best to take personal responsibility for everything because even though I do not control everything everyone else does, I have control over how I react to it and what actions I will take because of it.

Did all this happen overnight? Not so much! :-)

I am who I am today because of many years of experience and I am not done growing and evolving yet. I still have much work to do on me. I can still be stubborn or obstinate, and yet even that serves me, if I allow it to do so. If in no other way than to remind me that I have more work to do. Of course one could always look on the "positive" side and say that I am actually persistent and determined. ;-)

One thing that I do know, is that I have the power of choice and like any power, it comes with personal responsibility. And so, while "bad" things do happen, I have done much deep personal work that allows me to choose to see the positive in them.

I choose to continue to project that positivity to the world for two reasons. First and foremost because that is the energy and space I love to live in and secondly, because if by doing so, I can brighten up or help even one person be better themselves in that moment, then I feel I am contributing in a positive way.

When I look back on my life, it brings a huge smile to my face because there have definitely been a gazillion more positive things that have happened in my life than negative and even the negative has had a profoundly positive impact.I know that if you chose to look at your life, I dare say that for a majority of you, you can say the same.

So, just because I project positivity in every moment I can, it does not mean that "negativity" has not touched my life. It just means, I have chosen to see the "positivity" in it.

May you be blessed always and in all ways! 

Harry 

The "Negative" side of life has a purpose.

I was sitting around thinking about how we talk about balance and harmony in our lives and that perfection is not what we should be seeking but yet (and I have been guilty of this myself) we tell ourselves and others to not have any negative thoughts or avoid negative people. While I will acknowledge that keeping these experiences down to a minimum is desirable, if we are truly living they cannot and should not be avoided.

I have come to realize that those things we call "negative" actually have a place and a purpose in our lives. We live in a world full of dichotomies: up/down; left/right; happy/sad, and positive/negative. And if we are truly living in harmony and balance, both the positive and negative are part of the whole. What I have come to learn is really important, is to to embrace it all for it all is part of life. And of course this quote just happened to show up in my email today:
"Someone once asked Norman Vincent Peale, 'Don't you think life would be better if we had fewer problems?' Peale said, 'I'll be happy to take you to Woodlawn Cemetery, because the only people I know who don't have any problems are dead.' The point is we can't avoid problems, so we might as well expect them and embrace them as opportunities to learn and grow." ~ Mac Anderson, author, Charging the Human Battery http://www.macanderson.com/



So truly, we should not be seeking a life with no problems, challenges and/or negative experiences for they also help us on our path. We should not however dwell in that space but rather learn from all our experiences and move onward and upward.

In her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford makes the truly valid point for acknowledging and embracing the "dark" side of ourselves because we all have it. Some call it our shadow side and while we do not want that dark side to be at the forefront of who we are, it does in fact serve a purpose, if for no other reason than to remind us of who we truly are and what we want to show the world. http://www.debbieford.com/



Negative things happen to us all but if we look at them as another way to learn and grow as Mac Anderson suggested, then are they truly "negative"? I say no, for anything that helps us with our growth must be positive.

So, allow yourself to experience those so called "negative" events. Just recognize what they are and how they can help us. Do not dwell in that space but do not ignore it either for it is part and parcel of who we are as humans. And especially we need not feel guilty or ashamed if we have negative thoughts about anything. We do however, want to acknowledge those thoughts and discover why we are having them. What do we need to work on? How can we learn and grow from them?

I am blessed to have you read my blog and I truly hope I have provided you with some food for thought. Please share your comments, thoughts and suggestions.

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

Harry


Author - Rare Sense, One Day It Will be Common: A Practical Guide to a Fulfilled and Balanced Life
harry@raresenseunlimited.com
http://www.raresenseunlimited.com/

What do you see in the mirror?

Today, I wanted to share a story that I read in one of the discussions in the social networking site, Tee Bee Dee. I will add some thoughts at the end.

The House of 1000 Mirrors

Long ago in a small, far away village, there was a place known as the House of 1000 Mirrors. A small, happy little dog learned of this place and decided to visit. When he arrived, he bounced happily up the stairs to the doorway of the house. He looked through the doorway with his ears lifted high and his tail wagging as fast as it could. To his great surprise, he found himself staring at 1000 other happy little dogs with their tails wagging just as fast as his. He smiled a great smile, and was answered with 1000 great smiles just as warm and friendly. As he left the house, he thought to himself, "This is a wonderful place. I will come back and visit it often."

In this same village, another little dog, who was not quite as happy as the first one, decided to visit the house. He slowly climbed the stairs and hung his head low as he looked into the door. When he saw the 1000 unfriendly looking dogs staring back at him, he growled at them and was horrified to see 1000 little dogs growling back at him. As he left, he thought to himself, "That is a horrible place, and I will never go back there again."

All the faces in the world are mirrors. What kind of reflections do you see in the faces of the people you meet?

Japanese Folktale

What I would like to add is that you are the mirror to the world for what is going on inside of you. What are you projecting to the world? If you have a positive attitude, you will reflect that, if it is the opposite, you will project that too.
If you want the world to look better to you need to look better to the world.

May you be blessed always and in all ways.

Harry Shade - Author, Rare Sense; One Day It Will Be Common www.raresenseunlimited.com

Take the time...

I have often said that the most precious commodity we will ever have is time. So, today I am asking you, how are you spending yours?

Lately, I have been doing everything I can to spend time with old friends and when I say "old" I do not necessarily mean age but rather in the number of years that we have been friends. I am very blessed in that I have three friends that have been in my life for 43 years. I have several others that close to 30 years and some 20+ years.

You see, it hit me when I was informed the other day about the passing of one of my high school classmates. She was not just a classmate but a friend and my Senior Prom date and she was gone. I had not either seen or spoken to her in years and that made me really sad. On top of that, we are having our 30 year class reunion in a couple months and her passing made this one even more important to me.

More often than we would probably like to admit, we get so caught up in the day to day things of life that we simply do not keep in touch with "old" friends. Well, I teach and have authored a book about living a fulfilled and balanced life. For it to be fulfilled and balanced it needs to include time for friends.

It can be as simple as a quick e-mail message, text or phone call but we need to do it. Friends are the ones who stand by us when times are good or bad. They have seen us at our best and our worst. They are the stitching that keeps the fabric of life together.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to spend more time with friends. The benefits are both endless and priceless and it is a wonderful way to spend that most precious of commodities, time.

Do not wait until it is too late, get in contact with your friends today.

I mean it! Right now! Go! Stop reading and go! LOL

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

Harry Shade
www.raresenseunlimited.com

More Rare Sense Random Thoughts

In today's issue of Rare Sense Random Thoughts, I ask the following:

Why do we find it necessary to judge others? Do we do it because we think we are superior? Do we do it because we feel inadequate and use it to make our selves feel better? Does putting someone else down really make us feel superior? We don't like when others judge us, so why do we do it to them?

And in a twist on this, why do we judge ourselves? Why do we put that negativity inward, I mean it's bad enough that we judge others and release that poison on them but then we also do it to ourselves!

Here's another way of looking at it. Would we be friends with someone if they talked to us the way that we talk to ourselves? Did you ever catch yourself calling yourself, stupid or say things like, I hate myself. How about, I hate the way I look.

I mean self evaluation is a good thing. It keeps us growing and wanting to get better. As a matter of fact, it is absolutely necessary to our growth but it should not be negative. Positive yes! Negative NOOOOOO! We all have things we need to work on. However, we need to work on them in a positive way.

Also, when we are working with others, we can give constructive criticism without judging. In fact, constructive criticism is also another important way that we grow for we cannot always see things that we need to work on, as well as others. You know the whole "can't see the forest for the trees" thing.

So, how do we get past the judging aspect of this whole thing? Let's try this shall we?

First of all, when someone is presenting us with the truth, aka constructive criticism, we need to recognize that they are trying to help us. If we start there then we are less apt to go into the whole, "You are judging me thing". Yes, even if it may seem as it is coming off as being judgemental, if we look at it from a positive viewpoint, it will be positive. Remember we control how we react to things, that keeps the power with us!

Now, when providing the truth to others, please due it in the most loving caring way possible. You know, do unto others!

Now, a couple more questions I know I will get from this post. How do you know when it is the truth? And, how can you be sure they will recognize it? If you doing self-talk, it's easy, you'll just know. Your gut will tell you. When dealing with others, you can't be sure they will get it but if you feel it, once again in the gut, you'll know and that is all that matters.

This has been another issue of Rare Sense Random Thoughts. It is my goal to get everyone (that would include me too) to ponder (I like that word!) and be better tomorrow than we are today.

May you be blessed always and in all ways.

Harry Shade
Author - Rare Sense, One Day It Will Be Common: A Practical Guide to a Fulfilled and Balanced Life (Boy, my next book really needs a shorter title)

www.raresenseunlimited.com

You Are a Teacher, Part 2.

Yesterday I wrote about all of us being a teacher and I focused on what we teach others. Today I would like to expand on that thought by turning the teaching inward. What I mean by that is while we are teaching others with our words and actions, we are also teaching ourselves.

How do we do that? Actually in the same ways we teach others, through our words and actions. Self-talk is one of the greatest teaching tools that we have in forming who we are for the rest of our lives. Especially after we leave childhood, our inner dialogue is more responsible than ever for who we are today and who we will be in the future.

Here are some questions to ask yourself: How is your inner dialogue? Do you say/think good things to yourself or are you constantly saying/thinking negative things to yourself? Do you encourage or discourage yourself? If a friend talked to you as you talk to yourself, would they still be your friend? Why do we put up with negative talk from our self when we probably would not from others?

To expand on this teaching thing a little further, how we treat ourselves teaches others how to treat us. If we are being negative towards ourselves then we are giving permission for others to treat us badly, in fact we are attracting those that treat us badly and then wonder why it happens. Like a bee is attracted to flowers because of the scent, we are sending our signals to the world (our scent) that it is OK to treat me badly because I don't really like myself anyway. The ironic thing here is that all of it is self-perpetuating. The more we think/say bad things about ourselves, the more we attract negative responses from the world, so the more we feel badly and dislike ourselves even more.

However, we can reverse the cycle by simply saying/thinking good things about ourselves. If you want to have good things happen to you then start by being a better friend to you. Then you will attract positive people who will treat you right, which in turn will build your self-esteem and self-confidence. Since at this point you are feeling better about you, then you will think/say good things about you and in turn you will continue to attract positive things. Once again it is self-perpetuating and will continue to feed upon itself.

Our words and thoughts are powerful things and they can lead us down two very different paths. One path of joy, love, happiness, peace & harmony and the other path of depression, despair, guilt & misery. What path do you want to be on? It is all up to you and you are teaching yourself and the world which path you will ultimately be on.

Well, that's it for today. I'll be back soon with more Rare Sense Thoughts!

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

http://www.raresenseunlimited.com/