10 Things to Help You Relax

In this day and age of too much work, too much stress and not enough time for you, I offer these 10 things you can start today that will help you relax!

The picture to the right is our cat, Mickey. He obviously has no problem relaxing!

“The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.” - Sydney Harris

1. Cut out the caffeine: You have probably already heard this before but it bears repeating. Caffeine is in a fact a drug, a stimulant, and it is really not good for you. And like some other drugs, it is addicting. Yes, I know like other addictive drugs you will have to wean yourself off it and usually that is not a lot of fun. So, I suggest that you do it slowly by cutting out one coffee or caffeinated drink each day or slowly switching to decaf products. Americans are addicted to caffeine, that is a well known fact, which is one of the major reasons why we cannot relax.

2. Schedule a regular massage: Oh, yeah, if you have ever gotten a relaxing massage, you know how good it feels. I would not suggest a deep tissue, shiatsu style massage, those can hurt a little. And how are you going to pay for that regular massage. Start with the money you are saving by cutting caffeine out of your life. If you still do not have enough money, check to see if there is a massage school near you. Their prices are low and the students are going for a grade, the best of both worlds.

3. Expand your musical tastes: There is a lot of music out there that is designed to help you relax. Try some Native American Flute music or other "new age" instrumental music. It is good for the body and the soul.

4. Take a bubble bath: Oh, yeah, you guys too. The combination of the nice hot water and the soaps designed specifically for relaxing are a great combination. Throw in some nice smelly candles and you will be in heaven. There are even some cool fizzy balls also designed to relax those tense muscles.

5. Take up a hobby: There are a myriad of hobbies that can be truly relaxing. Hiking, bird watching, cooking, gardening, painting, sculpting, nature photography and napping come to mind. I am am told that napping can be a hobby.

"No matter how much pressure you feel at work, if you could find ways to relax for at least five minutes every hour, you'd be more productive." - Dr. Joyce Brothers

6. Take naps: There are numerous studies that say that, especially as we get older, napping has rejuvenating effects. I say don't wait until you get older, when you may actually need them, start now. Of course, it should be 30 minutes or less, so as not to get into that whole REM thing and ruin your normal sleep pattern. I will say that for me naps work too well. If I take a nap anytime during the day, it really effects my normal sleep and I am a night owl as it is. But it may work for you, so give it a try.

7. Get a cat or dog: If you living situation allows it, get a furry ball of love. Once again, study after study have shown that having a pet reduces your stress level and your blood pressure, while releasing those fun hormones that make you feel good. The purr of a cat can just lift your mood and taking the dog for walk has the dual benefit of getting exercise. Plus, when you return home at the end of the day, you always have those furry fuzzies there to greet you. It's is therapy in a natural fur coat.

8. Try hypnotism: There are literally thousands of trained hypnotists available to help you relax using this ancient method. Hypnotists have been known to be able to treat and perhaps even cure all kind of conditions and the ability to relax is one of them. In fact, you can even have the hypnotist at your beck and call thru the use of audio cds. That way you can have a session when and where it is convenient for you and costs a lot less than going to their office. Your eyes are getting heavy.....

9. Try a nice herbal tea: You may be surprised at all the herbal teas on the market today that are designed to help people relax. Ok, maybe not, given the fact that is such a huge market for people who really need to relax. The only caveat I have here is stick with decaf teas, you know so you can do what I talked about in #1. If you do not recall, then refer back to #1.

10. Tap into your spirit: So many of us are trying to find out who we are and why we are here. There are numerous ways to go within and find peace. Books, drum circles, retreats, classes, seminars, TV shows, Internet social networking sites, and the list goes on. Not to mention the traditional religious study groups. If you can find what works for you to be at peace spiritually, you will find it much easier to relax.

"There is no need to go to India or anywhere else to find peace. You will find that deep place of silence right in your room, your garden or even your bathtub." - Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I could go on and on but I wanted to keep this short. I am sure you can come up with other things that can help you relax. I just wanted to give you a start.

That's all for now!

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

Harry

Helicopter Parents; Why You do Not Want to be One.

"The object of teaching a child is to enable them to get along without their teacher." — Elbert Hubbard

I just recently read an article about "helicopter parents". They are the parents that cannot seem to let go and allow their children to grow up.

I am the father of an 18 year old college student and at her graduation party I kept getting questioned about how I felt about her graduating and moving on. My answer was, "Ecstatic" and then because I got some interesting looks, I went on to explain that I was looking forward to both Melinda and I starting new chapters in our lives. And yes, I would miss her but this was inevitable.

At least, it is supposed to be. Not for "helicopter" parents. For them, it seems, they feel that they need to protect their children well past the age of 18. Some, even into real adulthood, when their children are in their 30's. They attempt to negotiate salaries for them, they advocate for them with their college, landlord, electric company, you name it. They smother their children and then wonder why at age 40, their children are depressed, divorced, not able to handle the consequences of life and moving back in.

It is not only our jobs as parents but our duty to society to raise our children to be independent, productive citizens. It does no one any good when we refuse to cut the purse strings, kick them out of the nest and simply let go.

If you have done your job to the best of your ability then you will more than likely raise a happy, healthy, fully functioning adult. Sure we will always be parents, we will all be needed for advice or to watch the kids, etc. What we don't want to be is a crutch!

Parenting is not easy, I know, and after hearing some really bad stories, I had it better than some. Even though I am divorced from her Mom, I was blessed to remarry a woman who not only loves me but was really another parent to our daughter.

Ok, so how do you keep from becoming a "helicopter" parent?

Here is some advice:

1. They are gonna grow up! You need to realize that right now. No matter what you do and no matter how you parent, they are going to grow up and there is nothing you can do about it. I know this may sound a little silly and you may even be saying, tell me something I don't know. You really need to hear this. One day that new baby will come home from the hospital and it seems like the next time you turn around they are asking for the car keys. It all happens in the blink of an eye and you will be left wondering where 18 years went.

"We've had bad luck with our kids - they've all grown up." ~Christopher Morley

2. Be there! Be there when they start walking. Be there when they learn to ride a bike. Be there on the first day of school. Be there to teach them how to throw a ball. Be there for the first school dance. Be there to take them trick or treating. Be there when they breakup for the first time. Just be there and be involved. Besides the more that you are with them while they are growing up, the more you will be ready for them to go. I am really not trying to be funny here. I mean it you will be ready! Yes, I know you need to earn a living but why not have a life. No amount of money can replace your presence. You may be thinking you are doing it for them, when you work those 60 hour weeks but you are really doing them and yourself a disservice. For more convincing please refer back to paragraph one!

"Your children need your presence more than your presents." ~Jesse Jackson

3. Teach them responsibility! If you teach your kids to be responsible then you will not feel the need do everything for them when they become adults. Responsible children become responsible adults and responsible citizens. Have an age appropriate chore list. When my daughter was between the ages of five and ten, we had a list on the refrigerator that she placed stickers on when she completed them and the chores were things like; brush you teeth, make you bed, etc. Every sticker was worth a small amount of money and every thing she did not do, got money subtracted. As she got older, the chores become more involved, like help with dinner, run the sweeper, etc. She was still rewarded for what she did accomplish and got things deducted for what she didn't. Now, as she got older, especially in her teenage years, the list went away but the expectations did not. Did she always do her chores, of course not, but it instilled work ethic and responsibility in her. How did I know? I would hear it from her teachers and supervisors at work about how responsible she was and what a great work ethic she has. Don't expect that to show up at home but it is nice to hear.

"Patience is the companion of wisdom." — St. Augustine

4. Communicate with them! Talk with them about both the fun things and the serious things. Was it fun having "the talk" with my daughter? No, I was apprehensive to say the least but I knew it was important that she knew how I felt about it. Of course like anything else, keep the topics age appropriate, but talk. My daughter has often told me that she really enjoyed the days when I took her to and from school because we had some really good conversations. Don't shy away from the tough stuff, that's when they need you the most. My daughter and I have talked about religion, spirituality, race, drugs, sex, life, death, Santa Clause, sports and relationships. The older she got the more serious some of the conversations became. You know I often learned things from her and that's really cool.

"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." ~ Angela Schwindt

5. Discipline them! Do I believe you should spank your kids? I believe that is an individual choice, so I really have no other opinion than that but I will say that there has to be some kind of discipline. Otherwise how does a child learn boundaries, to follow the rules and that there are consequences to the choices they make. The key here is to try and remember that you are disciplining the act not the child. I always did my best to explain to her what she did and why it was not a good choice. Did I ever lose my temper? Am I human? Yes, especially when she was in her late teens and was more obstinate. I will tell you however, if you can develop the daddy look, then things can go alot smoothly. Most of the time all I had to do was give her the look and she knew she was in trouble. It sometimes still works today! The other big things are be consistent and do not stay upset for very long. Unless it involves taking another life, there is really nothing that they can do that cannot be fixed. My daughter knows there are consequences to her actions because she was taught that at home, where it should be taught.

"Many parents are finding out that a pat on the back helps develop character - if given often enough, early enough, and low enough." - Author Unknown

6. Do not live vicariously through them! You had your shot at childhood, it's over, so get on with it. One of the worse things you can do is try and force your children into some idea of what you think their life should be. This will surely lead you on the road to being a serious "helicopter" parent. Encourage your children to try new things and yes you can encourage them to try the things you did as a child but that should be it, just encourage. My daughter tried gymnastics, band and swimming. She settled on basketball, track and cross country and was involved in several other school activities. It just so happened that I played basketball and ran track but I told her over and over again that she did not even have to play sports, I just wanted her to do things she liked to do. And she knew that I meant it. Then when she decided on those sports, I gave her tips and suggestions how she could get better. I coached her for a few years in basketball but I never pushed her. I let her decide how hard she wanted to work and how much time she wanted to put into it. But, once again I was there for her. I attended the meets and games. I helped pay for camps and gear and I always encouraged her. So, no matter what your children want to try, encourage them and be there for them but do not force them to do something they do not want to do on their own.

"A child can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer." ~ Author Unknown

7. Things are gonna change! Recognize that as your child gets older things are gonna change and you are going to have to face some changes yourself. They are gonna get a license. They are gonna drive by themselves. They might get a job. And you are gonna be concerned. That's natural, that's life! If you taught them responsibility and were there for them growing up then that is all that you can do. Sure, it can be scary when they start doing things on their own but it is the only way for them to test the waters of freedom before they jump ship. You also have to recognize that you have changed too. You are also older and hopefully wiser but you were also once their age and need to recall how you felt at that age. That will keep things in perspective for you.

"Children are one third of our population and all of our future." ~Select Panel for the Promotion of Child Health, 1981

8. Have something else to do! I know I have said to be there for them but you also have to make time for things you like to do. You know grown up things like golfing, gardening, working out and watching soap operas and sports. As they grow older and you are needed less and less (yes, that will happen, after all if you are doing it right, that is the natural progression of things) you need to make sure that you have something else to do. Do not, I repeat, do not make them your whole life. That my friend is a recipe for disaster. That way when they strike out on their own you will not have this huge empty void. You will miss them but you will be free to pursue your own interests. Where many go wrong here is they have nothing else to occupy their time and then wonder what they are going to do. They are lost and then try to help the kids. cCn you hear the sound? Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Sounds like a helicopter parent swooping in to the rescue.

"To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent." - Dave Barry

9. Work on letting go! I would not suggest that you do this letting go thing cold turkey. Ease into it. Try it on and see how it feels. I think my daughter was about sixteen and a half, a few months after she got her license, when I sat her down and told her that starting then I was going to slowly progress into advisory mode. On things that I felt she was responsible and mature enough to handle I would be giving advice and not telling her what to do. I had her make her own decisions on those things. So, the older she got, the more I advised. Now that she is 18, I am totally in advisory mode. It is kinda cool because the pressure of making decisions and living with the consequences has gone to her. And less stress is what we are all looking for, right? You see, since I taught her responsibility and provided love, advice, knowledge and discipline, I was confident that she could handle things on her own.

"Parents often talk about the younger generation as if they didn't have anything to do with it." ~Haim Ginott

10. You will always be a parent! Now, don't get me wrong, they may leave but you will always be a parent. You will always be needed for advice, directions, recipes, moving labor, etc. Your role does not end when they venture on to bigger and better things. But you really do not want them coming back to live with you. You have moved on and are enjoying your new life without children. Of course, there may be grandchildren in your future but that is a whole different role entirely. No, you will be needed from time to time. It will not be as often or even maybe as intense but the time will come when that phone will ring and you will be called to action once again. Of course if you have followed my advice, then you will be relaxed and almost stress free as a parent, since you know that you raised a competent, responsible and mature adult!

"It kills you to see them grow up. But I guess it would kill you quicker if they didn't." ~Barbara Kingsolver

That's all for today!

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

Harry

Keeping the faith in the midst of a crisis.

How does one keep the faith during times like these? Who do we turn to? Where can we find answers?

Especially when all you hear is:

The economy is failing, terrorists want to kill us, people are starving, Mother Nature is exacting her revenge with hurricanes, mudslides and wildfires, gas prices are skyrocketing and on and on.

Well, if you have faith, then you know exactly where you can find answers and who you can turn to. Of course that is determined by what you believe in. If you are a Christian then of course you turn to God or Jesus. If you are Muslim, it is Allah. Native Americans pray to the Great Spirit and so on and so forth.

"Every tomorrow has two handles. We can take hold of it with the handle of anxiety or the handle of faith." - Henry Ward Beecher

As a Spiritualist, I do what I do everyday. I talk to the Creator, Universe, God, whatever you would like to call him/her. I also look inside myself for the answers, for God resides there too. I know who I am, what I am capable of and what to do to fulfill my needs.

Here are some tips on how to get through this time with your faith intact:

1. Know that it will be alright. As I say in my book, Rare Sense, One Day It Will Be Common, we go through three stages on the path to having rare sense and they are Hope, Belief and Knowing. I know that things will get better because I do have Faith that the Universe provides everything I need and in abundance. I also know that if I am lacking anything that it is of my own creation and only I can change the situation. So, if I ever fall back I just have to think of all the times in my life when things were not going so well and remember what I did to change it and then I change it.

2. Don't worry or be fearful. Where has worry ever gotten anyone in their life? Nowhere, except to raise your stress and block you creative thought process. And how many times have you worried over something and it never came to pass. Usually all of the time. So, clear you mind of worry so you can create a solution to your challenges. I know, you are going to say easier said then done, well not really, once again it is a mind set. It is how you think about things and if you know that worry has never gotten anyone anywhere that is productive and positive, then why do it? Only you can change how you see and think about things, so it is up to you to use your power.

3. Show gratitude. There is always something we can be grateful for, always. When you give thanks for what you have now, you are living in the present moment and creating the opportunities for the future. If you really look at things, especially here in the US, we are way better off than hundreds of millions of people around the world, many of whom have little to nothing to eat, no safe drinking water, no medical care or are living in a war zone. Yes, I know there are people in the US who are in similar predicaments but they at least have the opportunity to seek help and get themselves out of it. They have choices that those other people around the world do not have. So be thankful for the good things you do have and you will find solutions through the Universe for the things you need.

4. Take action. If you lost your job, then look for another one. If you need food, seek help. If you need money, find a way, hopefully legally, to earn some. But whatever you do, take action. Sitting around and complaining will get you nowhere. It will however keep you right where you are at. The more action you take the more doors that will be opened to you and the more opportunities will present themselves. One thing that I find hard to tolerate is people who will not do anything to help themselves and then wonder why they are "stuck". They blame everyone but themselves and wonder why the world is against them. The world is not against them, they are doing it to themselves and do not see it or choose not to see it.

5. Improve yourself. If you lack the skills or education level to to make it in today's work place then get more education and/or training. Seek out schools and training programs and apply. If you do not have the money then pursue scholarships, grants, etc to pay for it. Everyday, people find the way to pay for more education so if they can do it, so can you. It takes dedication, determination, hard work and sacrifice. But if you want it bad enough you will find a way to get it.

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." - Martin Luther King Jr.

My question is, is everything as bad as the media wants us to believe? Or are they just reporting on all the negative things like always and keeping us in fear? Are there no companies making money? Is everyone out of a job? Wouldn't it be better to put our energies into finding solutions to the challenges we have instead of just talking about how bad everything is?

We have been through rough times throughout our history and we have the ingenuity and ability to get through these times too. Every challenge presents opportunities for innovation. Every obstacle presents a chance for us to grow and learn. What is needed for us right now is to remain calm, ignore the naysayers, roll up our sleeves, open our minds and get to work.

“View a negative experience in your life like you'd look at a photo negative. A single negative can create an unlimited number of positive prints.” - Gerhard Gschwandtner

What we also need is courageous, passionate, visionary people to step up and lead us into a new age of collaboration, cooperation and compassion. An age where we care for our fellow man, where we acknowledge that everyone has something to contribute, where we recognize that it is every one's responsibility to ensure that everybody has the basic necessities of life.

If you want a better world then change how you look at yourself and your responsibility to all mankind. True change begins and ends with you. You have the power, you simply have to tap into it. Keeping the faith in the middle of a crisis lies within you. If you know who you are, then faith will come automatically, for you will know how powerful you are and that you can create a solution.

"What worries you, masters you." - Haddon W. Robinson

I know we will find solutions to the challenges ahead. I know what we are capable of and so I have faith that all will be as it should be. In the meantime, I will be doing my part to help and seek answers to the challenges we face. I will be an active contributor in ushering in a new world. So, come join me in creating a world we all deserve to live in, using our faith, love gratitude, wisdom, intelligence, intuition and passion.

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

Harry

Pets and Love

Today, you will find pictures scattered throughout this post of our pets. The Chocolate Lab is Toby. The white cat is Holly. And the silly white and black cat is Mickey.

"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

If you have a pet you will know what I mean when I say that they give us unconditional love. Now, some of you might say that dogs definitely do but cats?

Well, even though cats do tend to march to their own drum, you cannot deny that they too have the ability to provide us with unlimited joy with their antics and the purring when they get what we call "scratchy lovies" from their owners. They will come around when you do not feel good and are all soft and fluffy when they decide they want to snuggle with you. (Except for the hairless breeds of course, but I digress)



"When I play with my cat, who knows whether she is not amusing herself with me more than I with her." ~ Montaigne

Now, dogs, they just are bundles of love. They really appreciate when you play with them, feed them, let them outside, quite frankly for anything you do for them. They are always ready to greet you at the door at the end of the day with their tails wagging and that goofy smile on their face. Ok, maybe that is just our dog with the goofy face but you know what I mean. Sometimes Toby is so happy to see us I think his butt is going to fall off from all that wagging.



"Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole." ~ Roger Caras

It has been shown in study after study that those that have at least one pet have less stress and lower blood pressure. Even having an aquarium helps us feel better and fish are not soft and cuddely at all. Why do you think there are so many aquariums in doctor's offices or hospitals? Because the work! Pets help us through loss and grief. They are companions when we do not have much human contact and they just bring a smile to our faces. Now tell me that Mickey's picture below does not make you chuckle.



"Who can believe that there is no soul behind those luminous eyes!" ~ Theophile Gautier

I have been focusing on cats and dogs here but all pets can bring joy in some way. When we care for them they make us feel needed. When they do something silly they make us smile. They are the subject of many a reel of video tape and have even helped people win money on America's Funniest Home Videos.

"If having a soul means being able to feel love and loyalty and gratitude, then animals are better off than a lot of humans" ~ James Herriot

Pets are a gift from the Universe. They provide so many good things to us humans that we owe them a hug debt of gratitude. So, remember when you are thinking about what to be grateful for, if you have a pet, do not forget them. If you don't have a pet, after reading this, you may want to consider getting one. Finally, if you do have a pet and you do not treat it with love and respect, then you either need to change your ways or give them to someone who will love and care for them.

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." ~ Immanual Kant

If you have a pet enjoy it. If not, get one, you'll be glad you did! We have been truly blessed with our pets and all the positive things they have brought to our lives. That's all for today!

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

Harry

To be or not to be....

"To be or not to be, that is the question." - William Shakespeare

That is also the choice and the power we have as human beings. To be or not to be!

I have always liked to hear it when others say that we are human beings, not human doings. I just saw Deepak Chopra utter those words in a television commercial. It gives me a chuckle but it is so true. Otherwise we would be called human doings.

Often, we get so caught up in the doings of life that we forget to just be. We feel like we have to be doing something all the time or else nothing will get accomplished. However this does two things that are vital to our overall well being.

First of all, we ignore the creative thought process. We do not check in with our thoughts to see if they are in line with what we are doing. I have known many, many people that have worked hard all their life and in the end have nothing to show for it. They put in the action but their thoughts were not on prosperity and financial independence. It was on just getting by or I do not have enough money so I have to keep working hard. So, what did they get? I do not have enough money and I have to work hard their entire life or they just got by. They ignored what they were thinking and got exactly what they thought.

Secondly, all that effort and hard work leads to stress and health problems if you do not take time to just be. We all should take a minimum of 10 minutes a day to just be, to relax and let go. More would be much better but we think we have to be "doing" all the time, so start with 10 minutes and increase from there. At the end of this "being" time, you can check in with your thoughts and see if they are in line with what you want. If not, change them. If so, GREAT! But just be!

If you want happiness, be happy. If you want success, be successful. If you want compassion, be compassionate. If you want love, be love. It is in the being or to put it another way our thinking that we are what we are and who we are. You first have to be all those things you seek.

Now, I know it would sound a little silly to say, if you want money, then be money but that is exactly right. If you are thinking poor or lack of money, then you will be poor or have a lack of money. It has been said that what you focus on expands in your life. If you focus on the debt, you will be in debt. If you focus on the illness, you will be unhealthy or more succinctly put, you will be the illness.

Listen to what Shakespeare and Chopra have to say and let's be human beings.

That's all for now!

May you be blessed always and in all ways!

Harry

Copyright 2008 Harry Shade, All Rights Reserved