It's Not Being Selfish

Ok, I found myself trying to figure out what to write about today and once again I received inspiration from a complete stranger.

I was reading some posts on the web site Tee Bee Dee, a social networking site for those 40 and over (see link below), when someone with the profile name of DeeD posted the following thoughts in a discussion group about what you are grateful for:

" I am grateful for finally beginning to see what was hidden. I never understood "love yourself" until very recently. Always before when I heard that it came through as blah, blah...
Now I see it. I don't want to do to myself what I won't stand for being done to someone else. I never realized how much mean talking I do to myself, sometimes to the point of cruelty. There are other issues, but this one illustrates well enough. I am grateful for this lesson!"

This is one of the most important lessons to learn in life and the earlier you learn this one the better, for it is key in creating the relationships that you attract into your life. I know what you are going to say, you don't love yourself but you still love others and people still love you. Yes, but...even though everyone has someone who loves them and people that they love, you can love more deeply and unconditionally if you love yourself and it makes it easier for others to love you when they are not constantly having to build you up. It takes energy to constantly be building someone else up, energy that could be used for other things.

Now the next question I get a lot when discussion this topic is: Isn't wanting to take of myself a selfish thing? Another one is: Shouldn't I be more focused on helping and taking care of others first, isn't that the spiritual thing to do? Some comments I get are: I am too busy taking care of everyone else to worry about myself. They just don't allow me time to take care of myself. I just have too many flaws so focusing on others helps me to forget my shortcomings. I don't need to love myself to love others.

Ok, lets examine those aforementioned questions and comments:

Isn't wanting to take of myself a selfish thing? That question is coming from guilt. It is never a selfish thing to want to take care of oneself because if you are not in a good place physically, mentally and spiritually, how can you possibly be there fully for anyone else, if at all. So, it is not selfish it is in a selfless act.

Shouldn't I be more focused on helping and taking care of others first, isn't that the spiritual thing to do? Ahhh, I call this the martyr question. Well, part of the answer to this question is the same as the answer to the aforementioned question. You cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself. The second part of the answer is this; you do not have to suffer to be spiritual, in fact your suffering does not make you more spiritual, it just makes you more miserable. The universe wants you to be happy and healthy, if that is what you want! You are being more spiritual when you are happy and healthy, not depressed and sick.

Now for the comments I get all too often and mainly I have to say from women.

I am too busy taking care of everyone else to worry about myself. Really! I find this comment to be interesting for two reasons. First of all it flies in the face of all logic. Once again (I really hate to beat a dead house), if you do not take time for yourself you cannot be fully there for anyone else. You may think you are doing grand, unselfish things but in reality you cannot give 100% to those you want to take care of because you are not taking care of yourself. Secondly, aren't you putting yourself up on a pedestal, just a little bit? Maybe those that you think you have to constantly take care of would really be better served in the long run to have to do some things for themselves. Might actually build some confidence, independence and sense of responsibility in their lives.

They just don't allow me time to take care of myself. OK, do you have free will? Who is not allowing what to happen? It seems to me that if you point out the logic that I have put forth prior, it would actually make sense to them. Now, if you have loved ones that are so totally dependent on you that they rebel at first you have to first tell yourself, well I created this situation. Then just insist that you are going to take time to care for yourself and that they will just have to get used to it and fend for themselves. In fact, you may just want to point out that they should helping to take care of you too!

I just have too many flaws, so focusing on helping others helps me to forget my shortcomings. Yes, you are not perfect, nobody is, but ignoring things that you would like to change about yourself will not make them go away. They will just fester, get worse with time and eventually come out in some of the most unpleasant ways. No, if there are things you do not like about yourself then you must take the time and effort to change the ones you can and accept the ones you can't so you can truly love yourself.

I don't need to love myself to love others. This is probably my all time favorite. While it is true that you can love others and others can love you, even if you do not fully love yourself, it is never unconditional. You cannot give of yourself 100% because you do not have 100% to give. There is always going to be something either missing or lacking. Because you do not love you, you are going to question how anyone else can love you, either in your head or by actually asking. This can put a strain on even the best of relationships and has you in a constant state of worry. Is that any way to live?

You see loving yourself is in fact the selfless thing to do for it allows you to give your love unconditionally and allow yourself to be loved unconditionally. In this way there is no guilt, no martyrs, no anger and no resentment. There is simply love!

Make it a great day!

Please give my web site a visit @ http://www.raresenseunlimited.com/ and check out Tee Bee Dee and my profile @ http://www.tbd.com/viewProfile.html. Blessings!

A Book Review, "The Key" by Joe Vitale

From time to time, I will do a review of a book that I recently read and/or listened to. I really prefer listening to books anymore but do still get time to read some.

Today, I am going to review Joe Vitale's book, "The Key: The Missing Secret for Attracting Anything You Want". If you do not know Joe Vitale and have not read anything by him, you are definitely missing out on one of today's great authors on spiritual and life growth.

Joe has been featured in the world wide phenomenon movie, "The Secret" and is the author of such great books as "Life's Missing Instruction Manual" & "The Attractor Factor". His web site is http://www.mrfire.com/.

In "The Key", Joe really provides guidance in a simple yet profound way that brings about many "aha" moments. One of the main things he emphasizes is the importance of getting clear to get what you really want in life. Which in essence is how to get rid of those things that are blocking you.

I found the book to be easy to read, fun and well worth the time. I would recommend this book to anyone who just cannot seem to engage the Law of Attraction.

Harry Shade
Author - Rare Sense, One Day It Will Be Common; A Practical Guide to a Fulfilled & Balanced Life

http://www.raresenseunlimited.com/

My Encounter With Walter, Part 2

OK, so yesterday I told you about my wonderful encounter with Walter. Well there is more to the story. In fact there is a second story that he shared with me and I am now going to share it with you.

Walter went on to say that he was coming out of church one Sunday and saw a young woman that he had not spoken to before. So, in classic Walter style, he approached the young woman and said:

"Good morning! How are you today?"

The young lady smiled and responded: "I'm fine, how about you?"

Walter responded: "I am having a wonderful day!"

To which the young lady responded: "You know I have been coming to this church for some time now and you are the first person who has taken the time to speak with me."

Walter said he smiled and replied: "And so have many people have you initiated a conversation with."

Walter continued that a "knowing" recognition came over the young lady's face and as they parted ways he noticed that she had approached another couple and had began a conversation.

Sometimes in life we are so busy waiting for someone else to do something that nothing ever happens. If we want to see change in the world or just in our own lives we have to be willing to take the first step to make it happen. Yeah, it can be scary to be the first to initiate something but you have to work through the fear. Who knows you may get to have a highly spiritual experience like I had with Walter.

Thanks Walter for adding such a positive experience to my life!

A Lesson Learned & Shared

I was trying to come up with something to blog today and just as the universe does all the time, not only the topic but also a great story to go along with it, was dropped right in my lap.

I was doing my grocery shopping at Meijer when while looking over the marinades an older gentleman came up. As he was looking over the Worcestershire sauces he commented that the bottle he was looking at, in the brand name that he wanted, was too large. I pointed out that the bottle next to it was 5 ounces less. He grabbed that bottle, thanked me and said, "My name is Walter. You are a gentleman and scholar and there are not too many of us left."

I introduced myself and then replied, "I always say that chivalry is not dead, just mortally wounded."

Walter laughed and then proceeded to ask, "Did you ever notice that people don't just talk to anyone anymore?" "We do not just talk to complete strangers, why is that?"

I said, "I don't know, I do it all the time."

Walter responded by asking me, "Do you know who Leo Buscaglia is?" "I believe he was a teacher at UCLA or somewhere like that and wrote some books about life."

I answered, "Yes, I know who he is."

Walter then proceeded to tell me a story. He said that he was in New Jersey with his sister, a nephew. who is a priest, and his mother. As they were driving to the beach, his sister started telling him about how Leo Buscaglia said that the world would be such a better place if we simply engaged complete strangers in conversations. Walter's sister said, "Boy isn't that the truth. The world would be such a nicer place if we all just did what Leo said."

Upon arriving at their destination, Walter got out of the car and spotted two 40 something females coming towards them. Walter said that he greeted the ladies enthusiastically with "Good morning ladies. Isn't it a beautiful day?"

The ladies replied back with hellos and said that it was indeed a beautiful day.

All of a sudden Walter's sister piped up and scolded Walter by saying, "Stop making such a fool of yourself."

The ladies retorted that they did not mind him speaking with them at all.

Walter then said to the ladies, "I am so sorry to have interrupted your day but you see I grew up with two sisters and a mother who all talked to me that way."

One of the ladies responded, "Whooo, must have been rough."

As the ladies walked away, Walter and his nephew began to laugh.

Walter stopped the story to explain to me that his sister always called the ones she loved "idiots."

So, Walter said, his sister turns to him and her son and said, "What are you two idiots laughing about?"

Walter stopped laughing and replied to his sister, "What were you just talking about back in the car about the world being a better place if we just engaged strangers in conversation? Isn't that what I just did and you ridiculed me for it?"

Walter said that his sister's jaw dropped and she shook her head in acknowledgment that he was right.

Walter went on to say that it just seems that people know the right thing to do and talk about the right thing to do but just can't seem to find the strength to actually do it.

I thanked Walter for sharing with me today. As he walked away, he turned around and said, "May God bless you!" I replied, "And you too!"

So, did you get the lesson here? It is not enough to just talk the talk, you have to walk the walk. Like I always say, I do not care what you call yourself, just love one another. It is not the words that I care about, it is the deeds. So, let's all work on making the world a better place, like Walter, and start engaging complete strangers in conversation. It does not have to be anything more than a greeting and smile. And if conversation with complete strangers is not easy for you, just smile at others. Either way I know you will make some one's day brighter.

Make it a great day!