It's Not Being Selfish

Ok, I found myself trying to figure out what to write about today and once again I received inspiration from a complete stranger.

I was reading some posts on the web site Tee Bee Dee, a social networking site for those 40 and over (see link below), when someone with the profile name of DeeD posted the following thoughts in a discussion group about what you are grateful for:

" I am grateful for finally beginning to see what was hidden. I never understood "love yourself" until very recently. Always before when I heard that it came through as blah, blah...
Now I see it. I don't want to do to myself what I won't stand for being done to someone else. I never realized how much mean talking I do to myself, sometimes to the point of cruelty. There are other issues, but this one illustrates well enough. I am grateful for this lesson!"

This is one of the most important lessons to learn in life and the earlier you learn this one the better, for it is key in creating the relationships that you attract into your life. I know what you are going to say, you don't love yourself but you still love others and people still love you. Yes, but...even though everyone has someone who loves them and people that they love, you can love more deeply and unconditionally if you love yourself and it makes it easier for others to love you when they are not constantly having to build you up. It takes energy to constantly be building someone else up, energy that could be used for other things.

Now the next question I get a lot when discussion this topic is: Isn't wanting to take of myself a selfish thing? Another one is: Shouldn't I be more focused on helping and taking care of others first, isn't that the spiritual thing to do? Some comments I get are: I am too busy taking care of everyone else to worry about myself. They just don't allow me time to take care of myself. I just have too many flaws so focusing on others helps me to forget my shortcomings. I don't need to love myself to love others.

Ok, lets examine those aforementioned questions and comments:

Isn't wanting to take of myself a selfish thing? That question is coming from guilt. It is never a selfish thing to want to take care of oneself because if you are not in a good place physically, mentally and spiritually, how can you possibly be there fully for anyone else, if at all. So, it is not selfish it is in a selfless act.

Shouldn't I be more focused on helping and taking care of others first, isn't that the spiritual thing to do? Ahhh, I call this the martyr question. Well, part of the answer to this question is the same as the answer to the aforementioned question. You cannot take care of others if you do not take care of yourself. The second part of the answer is this; you do not have to suffer to be spiritual, in fact your suffering does not make you more spiritual, it just makes you more miserable. The universe wants you to be happy and healthy, if that is what you want! You are being more spiritual when you are happy and healthy, not depressed and sick.

Now for the comments I get all too often and mainly I have to say from women.

I am too busy taking care of everyone else to worry about myself. Really! I find this comment to be interesting for two reasons. First of all it flies in the face of all logic. Once again (I really hate to beat a dead house), if you do not take time for yourself you cannot be fully there for anyone else. You may think you are doing grand, unselfish things but in reality you cannot give 100% to those you want to take care of because you are not taking care of yourself. Secondly, aren't you putting yourself up on a pedestal, just a little bit? Maybe those that you think you have to constantly take care of would really be better served in the long run to have to do some things for themselves. Might actually build some confidence, independence and sense of responsibility in their lives.

They just don't allow me time to take care of myself. OK, do you have free will? Who is not allowing what to happen? It seems to me that if you point out the logic that I have put forth prior, it would actually make sense to them. Now, if you have loved ones that are so totally dependent on you that they rebel at first you have to first tell yourself, well I created this situation. Then just insist that you are going to take time to care for yourself and that they will just have to get used to it and fend for themselves. In fact, you may just want to point out that they should helping to take care of you too!

I just have too many flaws, so focusing on helping others helps me to forget my shortcomings. Yes, you are not perfect, nobody is, but ignoring things that you would like to change about yourself will not make them go away. They will just fester, get worse with time and eventually come out in some of the most unpleasant ways. No, if there are things you do not like about yourself then you must take the time and effort to change the ones you can and accept the ones you can't so you can truly love yourself.

I don't need to love myself to love others. This is probably my all time favorite. While it is true that you can love others and others can love you, even if you do not fully love yourself, it is never unconditional. You cannot give of yourself 100% because you do not have 100% to give. There is always going to be something either missing or lacking. Because you do not love you, you are going to question how anyone else can love you, either in your head or by actually asking. This can put a strain on even the best of relationships and has you in a constant state of worry. Is that any way to live?

You see loving yourself is in fact the selfless thing to do for it allows you to give your love unconditionally and allow yourself to be loved unconditionally. In this way there is no guilt, no martyrs, no anger and no resentment. There is simply love!

Make it a great day!

Please give my web site a visit @ http://www.raresenseunlimited.com/ and check out Tee Bee Dee and my profile @ http://www.tbd.com/viewProfile.html. Blessings!