Are you argumentative to a fault?

Are you argumentative to a fault? Do you feel that you always have to be right? There obviously is a time and place for debate and sometimes when your character or integrity is called into question, I could see defending your honor.

However, are you always on the defensive? Do you allow space for others opinions? Can you take constructive criticism and use it to grow?

Here are a couple quotes that further illustrate what I am trying to get across here:

"Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy."

"The more arguments you win, the less friends you will have."

I have found that the more I can honor an other's point of view the less I have to defend anything myself but there is a limit.

I can recall a guy I knew when I was a Criminal Investigator for the Army. He worked in the prosecutor's office and was constantly debating and arguing the most minute points of just about anything. And no matter what side you took, he always seemed to fall on the opposite side. In most cases, I do not think he actually was on the other side, he just liked to argue in an effort to show off his debating skills. He was an excellent prosecutor but could not leave his debating and arguing inside the courtroom.

It got to the point where no one even wanted to talk to him out of fear that he would start one of his "debates"! I saw where people would just absolutely avoid him, if they could and if they had to talk to him, they would always have an excuse to cut off the conversation. He was not invited to the office gatherings after work. He was basically shunned.

Well, one day I was dropping off some case files for review when he called me into his office. I cringed and started to come up with some excuse for having to leave, when I said to myself, "this is a golden opportunity to say something." I figured if he started one of his "debates" it would give me an opening.

It took all of about 10 seconds for him to start the "debate". I immediately stopped him and asked, "Why do you always want to argue and debate people?"

By his shocked look and reaction, I could tell that he had probably never been asked that question.

He responded rather loudly: "I DON'T!"

I said, "Really! You are even being argumentative about the question I just asked."

To make a very long story short. I shut the door to his office and we talked for quite awhile. When we were done, he thanked me for pointing out things to him that no one else had ever taken the time to do. He then went out and gathered the whole office together and apologized for his behavior. He worked really hard over the next several weeks to change and even told his colleagues to please point out when he was slipping back into his old ways.

Needless to say, since he was willing to change and was working hard on it, he was forgiven and brought back into the fold. You see, he was not a bad person, he just had circumstances happen in his life that had him choosing to be argumentative and he allowed what was really effective for him as a prosecutor to effect the rest of his life. Once he saw what was happening and we talked about how he could change it, he eventually returned to the easy going, nice guy he had been before. He learned that he did not have to be "on" all the time and you know he actually was a funny, witty and charming guy.

If you find that you are like the guy in the story it does not mean that you are a bad person either. Maybe no one has ever pointed it out to you. Maybe you feel you have to be this way. Either way, if you do not like what you see about yourself, you too can change it. It will not be easy and will take some time but in the end it will be worth it.

That's all for today.

May you be blessed always and in all ways.

Harry